[
1/30/2005
|10:11 PM]
I AM SO STRESSED!!!
arghh. piaing homework on Sunday night again. suddenly remembered the "wo bu yao du shi" -shakes head vigourously thingy from choral night =D lol okayy. i so hate myself, i didn do what i promised i would do this year. that is not to procrastinate and finish whatever stuff at hand. every weekend, my plan would be to wake up early on Saturday morning and FINISH all my homework by noon, then i can play for all i can. and Sunday is used an emergency day to settle some last minute crisis. but for some apparent reason, the emergencies i had to settle the past few weekends were my homework instead. and im not supposed to be here blogging at this crucial moment of my life. but oh well, i need a source of ventilation. although nicholas's providing it now =D, but yahh he sucks =)
aiyohh. so many things unsettled. well this always happens at the start of the year. whaha. just have to get used to it.
still holding back what i want to say. 13 more days left
/shiwei
[
1/29/2005
|1:29 AM]
brrr. FINALLY, MAPLESTORY DOWNLOADED.
blehh, i was gna sleep, stupid msn messenger, can't sign in.
i have been bad-tempered recently, and i sincerely apologized for that. on wednesday, huijie and benedict were fooling around and started whacking my arm, nvm i played along. then they hit my chest, what do they take me for? a rag doll, so i was like in a rage, i grappled huijie and then just slammed him on the floor, damn i didn know i was so horrible, huijie said that my veins were popping out on my temple. whoa. then on thursday, after physics prac, wenqiang went to use his file and slammed it on my face, triggered my wrath again, i again grappled him, but couldn slam. and yarr not to mention, i was irritated my tingwei, and we almost got into a fight.
i hate myself. i feel like im like the hulk laa, minus the green skin and the bulging biceps. hahh, and just now, after training, some of us went to kap to play zhong ji mi ma, i din want to play at first because i dun wan to get into trouble. we played too many times already, and the staff there practically know us. and its a matter of our image, we are wearing our school u somemore, so i wanted out. then the rest said i was a coward and stuff, okayy fine i join, yupp and i zhong laa. so i had to go to pinch my senior kepyong's face. so fine i went over, and got scolded my him. "don't do anything funny, i warn u" but i din want to fail so i reached out my right hand and grabbed his right cheek, he retaliated and pushed me back. okayy i get what he means and went back. i swore my whole body was like burning, and that eyes came back again, it looked as if i wanted to avenge my dad's death or something, tingfeng consoled and apologized cause he was the one who insisted one that, i almost went to punch him. my fist was clenched up, then i reminded myself to keep cool, so i carried my bag and just left. blehh on the way to the bus-stop, i was thinking about the drastic change in me, i had to cool down.
hahah. so yahh. my sincere apologies to all out there.
but yahh today was nanyang invest! i've been waiting weeks and weeks for it, pestered yida over and over, checking whether i was going, yupp and the day came! so yupp comments comments! well the entrance was like ours, the lights out then the councillors began walking down the steps. except that ours is nicer =D got light and better co-ordination. hmm, but i was really awe-struck by the invest item. i must say that i doubt we can achieve anything like that, and yahh i feel that council camp should be tehkan camp also.
and yahh as i watched the council slide-show, i was also reminded of my council life last year, and i felt my eyes water. hahah. so fast, one year gone, i may not even be in council this year. oh what-so-ever, i will be back next year, just you watch. its a pity that the relationship btween sust and the consortium councils is so political. so what if i came back from sust, does it mean im automatically condemned? i thought exco positions are given according to merit and capability, does that means i'm not capable enough? and why am i SUPPOSED to feel grateful that you even let me into council? i tell you, i QUIT. i don't even feel like it. the definition of council has drastically changed. esp after watching ny invest. i have lost all passion in council. literally gone.
i din ba wo ji hui. regretting in now.
/shiwei
[
1/23/2005
|7:23 PM]
i hate copper drakes =/
/shiwei
[
1/22/2005
|10:15 PM]
okayy i shall come real clean.
the airs i'd put up with my friends, it's all fake. okayy, i come from a tattered family, we all live in a one-room flat in bedok, the flat in bukit panjang is just my aunt's, she's always overseas and thus asked us to come over. my father is a drug addict and a die-hard gambler, everyday he beats my mum and i up to get money just to feed his satisfaction. and there goes my pocket money, i have ran out of hiding places to keep my money, in my pillow casing, between my books. all gone, when i come back from school, i discovered that my room's in a mess and i know what has happened. and my mother? she's suffering from depression, almost going into a mental breakdown, all the cane-marks she had, almost everyday, i can just see her in a corner of a house, crying away while staring into space. fuck that beast, have he ever done his part as a father, instead of earning money for the family, he's here spending every single bit of my mother's savings she painstakingly accumlated over the years, and when he doesn get the amount he wants, there the cane goes, wham, and the screamings and yelling starts. that bastard has never bought us anything, my mother's clothes are bought like when she was a teenager and it didn change. as for my sister and i, we steal. yes stealing, after hong chen's "case" on tuesday, i felt relieved, wow theres one person that's like me. but totally two diferent case, hong chen's loaded and filthy rich and does it for the thrills, but im FORCED to do it, do you know i have been wearing the same old shirt for like 10 years? and yahh u guys might be thinking, how can one guy of a complicated family background go to a school where all students are the top 5 percentile of the whole national cohort? well, the hatred that grew in me is so much that i almost took a chopper and hacked my dad. so i told myself, i will never follow his footsteps, that good-for-nothing. he even introduced me to cocaine.
hahah. yahh so this is my life. sorry if i've been lying.
whee. i think i'm all ready for commonwealth essay.
/shiwei
[
1/21/2005
|11:03 PM]
11th slc ot! conquering the playground!
/shiwei
[|11:02 PM]
listening to not so ghostly ghost stories
/shiwei
[|11:02 PM]
branden, kneeling down to.. *erhm*
/shiwei
[|10:44 PM]
[ Current Mood | nostalgic ]
[ Current Music | Robbie Williams - Let Love Be Your Energy ]
okeyy just came back from slc party 01 - jerry's house bbq. and as i walked home, i was deep in thoughts( real deep, i banged into the lamppost), recalling the ot last year. and i compared it to noww. i dunno whether i shud really express it out, its gonna demoralize every ot member that comes to my blog. okayy fine, i will just touch on the surface. maybe it's just the beginning, to early for me to judge, to early for me to pan duan, but i dun really quite like the atmosphere of the whole 11slc ot. frankly speaking, the feeling's not there anymore, and sometimes i just wanna quit. i want back x-slc.
okayy come to think of it, im childish, im lame, im stupid. this can only be a wish, a dream, cause they have their own event liao. and it really makes me wanna cry. but come on, life goes on, theres no use brooding over what u want but din happen, and what u din want but happened instead. just use the current situation to your advantage and capitalize fully. yupp, so i refer back to this situation. howw. up till now i'm still asking whyy. someone tell me, maybe sua yu?
well. 3rd week of school have passed, while i'm trying
/shiwei
[
1/17/2005
|11:38 PM]
blehh. cant really sleep. cause i took an afternoon nap.
starting of the year is usually the most stressed up, but it determines whether u will succeed in the year. if you can handle the commitments that is. now all the academic projects started to pop up, smrp, mrp, projects' day etc. and the trip sci is killing me esp physics. im now staring at the reflection worksheet, and i managed to only solve one question, shall go to school and
copy use other people's work as reference. and blehh, one zuowen which content i've not thought of yet. and the smrp proposal was REJECTED. arghh. stoopid.
well shall go into deep thoughts for inspiration.
/shiwei
[
1/16/2005
|10:23 PM]
second week of school have passed and i certainly am feeling the heats now. homework is piling. its just so frustrating to see that while your workload increases, the time u have to complete them decreases and you begin to grumble and start to curse singapore's education and lament about why singapore's pace of life is so tough. and blehh after one whole round, u just have to accept the fact and continue to do your work.
today was the saa run at macritchie, hci ncc went for fun run -.- in the end went there do those manual stuff. sucks mann. yahh. aim was below 20mins for 4.2km. in the end got 22 mins++ with daniel. shuoxian, stanley and xuan yi got 20+ while the rest got 24+. in the end, cause we din finish together as a part, some of the people were complaining and tensions rose laa. in the end xuanyi and i exploded, kept scolding zhi yi, saying what if you want to do everything together as a part, then why ks go 3p, whole part follow him. so the rest shot back with sarcasm, "nvm laa, its OUR fault that we cannot run fast, and its KWOK SHENG'S fault that he went 3p" okayy, i admit i was a little too harsh, so i now offer you guys my sincere apologies, and as i/c, i failed to use this opportunity to "build the part spirit".
however i would like to raise a point, running, esp long-d, u cant help but be individualistic, okayy maybe not that but ermm u shudn stop just because the rest are behind. because bluntly putting it, u will be pulled down. so i hope u guys will understand laa. running esp competitive running, well IS competitive. yahh so.. okay forget it.
my left knee cap is injured, sengyeow and dingjie kept saying that it is deformed, out of shape, yupp true, the bone like kinda jutted out of its original position and it looks quite gross. arhh. heck. i can still walk, wun die.
okayy la. still got plenty of last-minute homework to do. blame it on me slacking for the whole of yesterdayy..
/shiwei
[
1/13/2005
|9:14 PM]
WHERE HAVE ALL THE COUNCILLORS GONE TOO.
all of them have like died or something. the chinese high school 4th students union has a respectable population of 150 councillors and i cant get 25 now. wtf! c'mon, if any councillor is reading this and really really wants to help, do not hesitate to message me on my phone!
okayy tmr after school is a mad rush. 4 commitments. grp b ep3 orientation, ncc training, some chinese debate registration and 11th slc stuff! how am i going to split myself up? haiz i have to do what i really suck at - prioritze, for the past 3 years, i got scolded because i din prioritize correctly.
oh well no time to talk. bye bye!
/shiwei
[
1/09/2005
|8:13 PM]
can't believe it.
one week of school over. finally.
first week of torture. finally! we're in upper sec, but somehow felt junior-ish because the sec 4s are already wearing the hcjc uniform. and we're stuck with shorts still. a new school name, hwa chong institution. a new class, okayy la, although 3/4 of 3A came from 2D, still got new faces mahh.
the first day of school and it rained like non-stop the past 2 days, i was praying in the bus for the rain to continue or even get heavier. i was so scared of the march-in, my last task as orientation os before the whole event has officially ended. but somehow the rain stopped, and the ground was dry by flag-raising and so the whole school plus jc2 students gathered at the terraces for the first ever combined flag-raising ceremony. and thank god, march-in was not screwed up. After Guan Yu's and Matthew's perfect co-ordination in their turning, everything followed smoothly. was so relieved. finally orienation ended - successfully.
first day was consortium day. and the schedule was lame enough, cmc elections for 1h, setting of class goals for 1h. omg wth. so chairman for 3a'2005 is ng kian haw douglas! i'm sure he *coughs* will bring the class to greater heights.
the following days were okayy, and with afternoon lessons on tuesday and thursday, ncc on friday, two free days left. the thought of it bores me, and i slept almost every day, i can't explain why, that fatigue just seeps in me? i dun know. maybe i'm not used to afternoon lessons.
okayy friday came quite fast and for the first time, i was looking forward to ncc. but that old hag had to spoil the day for me. fuck her. i volunteered and what i got is just bitching from you and in the first place, it wasn't my fault. BITCH. yay, officially part c le. just that last lap to go. to nco-ship. can sense the urgency and stuff. then command and control which i badly screwed up for god's sake, "GOOD AFTERNOON SECTION I/C!" so stupid can. then pt test, after the push-ups and sit-ups, it was the running and pull-ups.
i, after my stint at x-country, was looking to maintain my exceptional performance. =D and i didn't dissapoint. woohoo. below 10 mins. 4th somemore! and xuanyi ahh, break lujie's record. but it was after this when i felt disgust in myself, i found that i was more of an individualist rather than a team player. compared to yuhan and stanley, who purposely ran at the back to push the whole part, i was a disgrace. ncc is all about teamwork, best unit competition is all about the 4 parts. no individual glory, although there are the shooting and orienteering competition, you win as a school. so should i even be happy about this achievement?
the pull-up part was postponed because we were all tired and instead there was a pull-up competition. in the end, my section lost. duh. ): we had 6 people, virtually it was only 3 people doing. and total pull-ups done was only 79. blehh. whoa and im i/c lehh. lol, so ironic. i wanted to bo chup liao, after being section i/c twice in the 2 years, i don't want to call anymore people. i want to BE informed rather than to inform others. oh well. part c, let's move on to a new chapter - leadership.
yahh. i took the aphelion council councillor application form. and i filled it up. now the question is whether i should hand it up. commitments. pride. all at stake.
we shall see tmr.
and congratulations to singapore in winning indonesia. nobody expected that.
/shiwei
