[
4/29/2005
|12:01 AM]
[ Current Mood | peace ]
[ Current Music | 園遊會-周杰倫 ]
finally finished update the slc egroups. although i may not be here during the 4 actual days, i will make sure the planning process is flawless so that when daryl takes over, it would be an easier task. sorry slc ot, i've disappointed you. -looks at suayu- d(x_x)b oh well. at least the choice's made, i'm less stressed, and can focus on tests.
basically for the past few weeks, it was late nights. 3.30 last night hahah. english and chinese test were quite alright for me. tomorrow's biology can seriously kill. digestion is super cheem can. and its midnight now, still stuck at nutritions? somebody save me. ahh, procrastination again. oh well. have to finish mugging by hook or by crook, need my a1. three more tests and off to sabah i go. yay
whoarr tonights jing zhong ren damn drama can.
it's been hard on you the past days, can see the fatigue and sheer exhaustion in you. hang on, it's going to be a rough but memorable ride. don't push yourself too much, cause you're weak. heh and yeahh i'm always behind you.
i'll wait even till the end of time cause you're worth it
/shiwei
[
4/26/2005
|11:44 PM]
[ Current Mood | peaceful ]
[ Current Music | Almost - Bowling for Soup ]
finally, i started mugging. i'm going to be a full-pledged mugger! wahahhah! -emulates kangjie-
another clash today. spec course briefing with 4x400 finals. in the end douglas ran for me, we got 4th. almost! damnit lahh. why must there be conflict in everything i do? why can't life be smooth-sailing? for once? and why the fuck must i always be the one who have to choose. why can't it be someone else? oh well, next year 3a. next year we will !
brr still thinking about spec-slc.
its like one side of my head going spec.spec.spec.spec.spec. and the other going slc.slc.slc.slc.slc. ahh you understand, its those battle of the weighing-the-pros-and-cons-but-still-cannot-decide conflict.
hahah thanks everyone who cared about me and gave me advice. at least you guys gave me your listening ears, and yahh allowed me to vent it all out. hahah but the cold hard fact that i always have is, "so it's up to you to decide". sometimes i wonder whhat's the point. up to me to decide. wow like i have lots of power and do i look like i have a choice?
oh well i've told suayu to pretend nothing had happened. one month more to slc. last lap, pia it all, and decide later.. when time comes. hahah.
okayy mugg!
/shiwei
[
4/25/2005
|11:47 PM]
[ Current Mood | BOO. ]
[ Current Music | 愛我別走-周杰倫 ]
blehh just when i finally stopped talking about it and started on my mugging.
seng i walked across an empty land says:
*pressures shiwei*
seng i walked across an empty land says:
you, go for SLC.... spec course, you can take later on in the year
seng i walked across an empty land says:
especially since you're programmes I/C
shiwei_+ the lousy alarm clock; mps! says:
ARGH.
shiwei_+ the lousy alarm clock; mps! says:
thanks seng !
seng i walked across an empty land says:
i don't mind if you're like yuan jun, but you're I/C
seng i walked across an empty land says:
not committee member, got a lot of difference
seng i walked across an empty land says:
i'm not exactly giving you a choice, but who cares =P
/shiwei
[
4/24/2005
|1:57 AM]
[ Current Mood | mao dun ]
[ Current Music | 1985 - Bowling for Soup ]
doing homework noww. yay, i feel so energetic ! hahah okayy.
after reading suayu's entry, tag and erm talking to him online, i feel all so confused again. spec course or slc ?!
i know i cannot satisfy both parties, whatever choice i make, i will be affecting the people around me. i don't want to lose a good friend, neither do i want to lose my ep3. argh. help me? i'm still waiting for that miracle to happen, spec course to change dates like last year, where lujie and yuanjun narrowly missed slc. hahah. then again, when i refer to the 9th, yongkai chose slc. i'm prog i/c, it's really irresponsible of me to just leave my committee on their own. seriously.
why do i have always have to make these decisions !
spec or slc.
/shiwei
[
4/23/2005
|9:38 PM]
[ Current Mood | bleagh ]
[ Current Music | 止戰之殤-周杰倫 ]
bahh talk about yesterday. managed to raise my maths to a pass. 21/40. hahah exemption seems impossible. i need tuition! bleaghh. hahha luckily my physics noww an a2. but my msg sucks, hahah later get relieved off duties.
okayy my morning was really a bad one. tingwei just ticked me off because me and the slc peeps were basically fei4 yesterday at csm banner painting. so i countered, saying that there were no brushes. so he just yelled, saying that okay fine then you guys shouldn even be there! FINE. i'm telling you noww, i won't even go for anymore banner activities. and it's my fault that somehow slc cropped up and i had to settle it with my members, and it's even my fault when branden taught alfred his magic tricks. forget it, i wanted to stay the night before like last year to help put up the banners, since we're not appreciated or needed. FORGET IT. so basically we both gave each other the cold shoulder. hahah. so much for close friends. so much for coming down to help. fine i admit i was really useless then, come to think of it, i never touched the brush, and i know you're under lots of pressure, i can understand. but wow you're really unreasonable here. hahha suan le.
then bleagh i got caught sleeping thrice! so unlucky! hahah first time, cause for the whole of this term, i have been sleeping like almost every day? and i had some close shaves, but thanks to kangjie, who always slaps me whenever i doze off, and a little bit of luck here and there, i was never caught. today! blehh 2 consecutive periods! biology and maths! mrs har was like, "shiwei! don't sleep if not ill ask you to stand outside", then mrs teng, "shiwei! go wash your face! malu ! >< then the third time was during training ! blehh! cause there was some talk about the new 6-year programme by some district commander, so while waiting for him to arrive, we were seated in lt4, blehh and i actually dozed off! then the sergeant was like staring at me! hahha in the end we were asked to leave the lt to go down and ermm .. yah.
spec course. hahah. dream or reality?
the past few days i've been quarrelling with my mum about my commitments. especially this morning it was quite heated. i didn eat my breakfast and just slammed the door, bahh i was really too impulsive but i really couldn take it anymore. my term has been really hectic, everyday ive been sleeping like not before 1am? and what i really need now is support, and not criticism! everyday keep nagging, asking why im so busy, i asked for it myself, then what quit council, and stuff. i was like ?? so do you want me to come home everyday after school at 1.30pm? be a freaking mugger, get straight a1s, top the level before you're happy? i'm not like don't care about my studies? you also seen how hard i mug? i know i admit, the primary role that i play in school is after all a student, which is to study and so called "learn as many things". fine! but im not neglecting my studies ! it's not as if im purposely failing my tests! i know i look unstable, always doing last-minute stuff, but can i help it? no! instead of always preaching me, could u give me support! i know you're very understanding already so i'll always appreciate and tolerate what you say. but these few days are like hell for me, and i don't need additional pressure. i really don't want to end up in the state of breaking down and cry in the middle of the night. please.
i want to excel. who doesn't? but you gotta admit that there's ups and downs. you're almost driving me to the edge of the cliff, and i'm going to jump down someday if you don't stop.
okayy. hahah 4x100 got into finals! whee. but i pulled the rest down lar. basically. hahah i cannot be first runner for god's sake! hahah but good work! hahah. and 16x200 we combined with aphelion because we didn have enough runners and we got 3rd! first medal hahhaha! it was really a remarkable feat. from last to 3rd. i was 4th runner, cut two people okayy ! hahah then in the end that jia nan hah! lag till last, somemre behind by 200m. but wow our middle runners simply rule, from junwen all the way to yuanchang, we just overtook them on by one. aphelion rules. hahaH! 4x400's next tuesday and i feel all so motivated to pia. (x
today we had a mbti course. and im a ENFP! hahah !
General: ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of an often bizarre cosmic whole. They want to both help (at least, their own definition of "help") and be liked and admired by other people, on bo th an individual and a humanitarian level. They are interested in new ideas on principle, but ultimately discard most of them for one reason or another.
Social/Personal Relationships: ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to the more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality. They are outgoing, fun, and genuinely like people. As SOs/mates they are warm, affectionate (l ots of PDA), and disconcertingly spontaneous. However, attention span in relationships can be short; ENFPs are easily intrigued and distracted by new friends and acquaintances, forgetting about the older ones for long stretches at a time. Less mature ENFPs may need to feel they are the center of attention all the time, to reassure them that everyone thinks they're a wonderful and fascinating person.
ENFPs often have strong, if unconvential, convictions on various issues related to their Cosmic View. They usually try to use their social skills and contacts to persuade people gently of the rightness of these views; his sometimes results in their negle cting their nearest and dearest while flitting around trying to save the world.
Work Environment: ENFPs are pleasant, easygoing, and usually fun to work with. They come up with great ideas, and are a major asset in brainstorming sessions. Followthrough tends to be a problem, however; they tend to get bored quickly, especially if a newer, more interesting project comes along. They also tend to be procrastinators, both about meeting hard deadlines and about performing any small, uninteresting tasks that they've been assigned. ENFPs are at their most useful when working in a group w ith a J or two to take up the slack.
ENFPs hate bureaucracy, both in principle and in practice; they will always make a point of launching one of their crusades against some aspect of it.
wahhah most of the aphelion councillor peeps belong here too! but i was quite surprised that im a extrovert, i thought i was a more myself person. hahah but it was really cool larh, the whole concept behind it. hahah then it was smops aar and slc meeting. then slc outing, which i ponned in the end. i really made suayu pissed off i guess. hahah. blehh. mei you lian jian ta. >< sorry suayu. but prog shall not fail.
okayy homework i guess ! freaking kangjie just had to say that he'd finished everything yesterday from 9 - 2! grrr ! \(x_x)/
/shiwei
[
4/22/2005
|12:03 AM]
[ Current Mood | bleagh ]
[ Current Music | Westlife - Swear it Again ]
life's that unfair i guess. it's all about making decisions, but why do i always have to make these crucial decisions, especially when both options are so dear to me. giving up on either one will surely make people around me unhappy. but there can never be a best of two worlds, the choice must be made sooner or later. and both's gonna affect me, my two commitments, my two responsibilities. how how how. i have to give an answer soon. and i cannot satisfy both sides. okay i've decided!
6-2=4
sorry. it was a tough decisio. but it was a decision that had to be made.
and hahah it's so unfair too. i mugged real hard for maths last night. i started from 10-1. then i slept from 1-3. woke up and continued till around 4.30 then i slept till 6, then rushed to school, and continued again. in the end i still got a 18/40. wow. then it's like everybody's getting their a1s and a2s. kangjie, yuguang, zhiguang, douglas etc. hahah i feel like a complete loser. nvm i must strive to be like kangjie, so fast all his tests all a1. i shall be a mugger ! -determined- the next day you will see me with a bald head and those real thick, black specs that tingwei used to wear. my shorts will be above my naval, and my socks will be knee-length. woots- hahah just cannot believe my luck lar.
/shiwei
[
4/20/2005
|12:43 AM]
[ Current Mood | numb ]
[ Current Music | Nelly Furtado - Try ]
finally completed the egyptian maths powerpoint with yuanchang. why the heck did they have to be so smart? invent their own numerals, their own method of addition, subtraction etc. caused so much trouble x_x
hahah now have to revise for thursday's maths test. i got a feeling its gonna be another flunk. i'm trying to prevent my eyes from concentrating on one spot cause my vision will go all blurry and my head will slowly be lowered and poof the next morning i will find myself infront of the laptop. bleaghh. and it always happens during crucial periods. EXCEPT NOW.
thou shalt not sleep.
whahah today was super unlucky, i fell asleep on the bus trip home, and somehow overshot. ended up at cck? sloppily took the lrt home and boom bathed and went back to sleep. bahhh. slept during ss lesson again, with kangjie waking me up repeatedly. thanks (:
3a tomorrow's 16 x 200. we're gonna show who's the king of the track.
woots. hahah can't wait for 4 x 400 to come. medal.medal.medal.medal!
童话-光良
忘了有多久 再没听到你对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久 我开始慌了 是不是我又做错了什么
你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的 我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后 我的天空 星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局
我要变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局
我会变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局
一起写我们的结局
wahaha seems like everyone's addicted to it. been singing it in school like non-stop, with yuanchang, in the classroom, canteen, even the toilet and bio lab. hahha. oh yahh, i just realized cyndi's songs are actually nice! chenfeng will probably kill me if he reads this. i always thought she's the got looks, no voice type. hahah i'm going to get her honey album! okayy back to surds..
/shiwei
[
4/16/2005
|10:31 PM]
running a temperature now. ><
head feels so heavy, but nevertheless i managed to crawl of my deathbed and here i am blogging ! (:
smops was a success ! and i guess it was really worth it sacrificing. [to be continued!]
[added: 7.37am] okayy i had a good night's sleep and i feel all so fine! first thing i did when i woke up was to eat potato chips xD don't scold me for not taking care of myself cause that's the only edible thing i could find in the cupboard. =x i feel much better now and probably can participate in activities like ermm soccer? and WATCHING MOVIES. xP
okayy i still remember last week till around wednesday this week, every recess, chiajone, woankeng, zhenjie and yuguang would disappear to pia smops. and i was like totally so not involved, till kangjie woke me up, as in literally during ss lesson and yahh metaphorically. guilt was what i was feeling, looking at yuguang's weary face and stories on how many MINUTES chiajone slept a day, and woankeng was down with feer. so the 3 days before smops, i got involved cause it was OUR event. even though for the past few days, chiajone and co. didn scold me for slacking or whatsoever, i know that brshh. what the hell di did shiwei do for smops? hahah. okayy so yahh, and blehh can i say that i fit in well? i dunno. the only thing i can say that it's memorable and enjoyable. for every event, the last few days are the funnest, when the ot sits together and pia all the last minute stuff, encouraging one another on and talking nonsense while doing.
woots- so i decided to move in to boarding school on thursday night. don't ask me how i did that =P so on thursday night, the plan was to sleep from 10-1 and then pia all the way =D of course plans DO change and backfire. yuguang and i didn sleep, instead the whole room turned into a lan centre with 5 laptops. wenyuan, chenfeng, jianan, huangpei etc. and it was the first time i actually played counterstrike. (though i always see my dead body with blood gushing out in less than 10 seconds after the round began.) heyy but i improved! i slowly managed to kill one or too bots and yahh. so we all agreed to stop at 12 and then rest. well at least for the rest, yuguang and i were mugging for maths i guess and making fun of kangjie who was sleeping soundly. so 1am came. -rejoices- we went over to the other wing of the hall to wake up chiajone, poked and poked, yelled and yelled, finally the giant woke up! :D so we went back to our room to wake kangjie, and eww wenyuan your method is disgusting hurhur. ok back to story, kangjie didn even budge so we thought we would let him rest. so we went back to chiajone's room. boom, snoring as usual. so we attempted another time, then he woke up, and we went to pantry to make supper. finally chia jone went out and we started work. 1.30 blehh. so yuguang and i revised the action plans, procedures, manpower and stuff. and after we completed we went back to sleep, leaving chiajone to finish up his admin part. yuguang and i chatted for a while, but soon fell asleep. i was waiting for a sms that didn come in the end. -stares-
so blehhh next day, i slept in bio and chi lesson. but it was fun. (: yahh and friday night was spent with chiajone and yuguang sleeping before i checked in. so wenyuan adn the rest of the horny freaks watched mean girls xD and it was the day where my phone bill will skyrocket ! =x hurhur. and i waited for 1h for that message again! with wild thoughts going through my head, why didn the reply came? was it because the person was mad? but i chose to believe thta the person slept and went to bed with a heavy head.
saturday - finally smops came. it's our day. hahah. during registration, was helping jianrui with the info counter and usher. wth can, compared to orientation, smops was like "whoarr" but content-based, it still pales in comparison xD orientation'05! okay , it was time to prepare for dismissal. was getting real scared cause i was placed in clock tower, the first batch of students to leave, if i screw up, the whole event will screw up as well.. -pressurized- but luckily with the help of the teachers and the dismissal officers, we managed to clear the first batch smoothly, so smooth that the dismissal this year broke last year's record! whee. hahah the look on chern wei's face =D
hurhur. yay my first actual event with aphelion council somehow the feeling is different, but no doubt better =D alright.
/shiwei
[
4/12/2005
|11:18 PM]
investiture's tomorrow. and i really want to pon it. thinking of ways now. hahah though it's a new beginning to everything, the new council, the hcis council, the nsr and stuff, i want to escape from it all. i told everyone else that i've kan kai, but the fact is i haven't, and i'm still really bu gan xin about it. it's not because i cannot, this fucked up system is so biased, and i'm forced to act as though i'm fucking indebted to you all! i'm not going to work this year, and it's all your fucking fault. relieve me of my duties if you want, cause i don't give a damn. how i wished next year came soon. then all this will be over.
i was all smiles at the rehearsal today, but in fact, my heart was in pieces, i couldn't help but recall and think. but i'm not supposed to show that i'm sad, that i'm fed up, because INVESTITURE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A HAPPY THING, ISN'T IT. hah, where everybody rejoices because it's the start of their term of office in council, and hoorays all over. sorry i shouldn't be harbouring all these thoughts right now cause firstly helloh, tomorrow's invest? and secondly, whatever i say or do now will not change anything. well i guess that's life as many people told me before. ups and downs. but i just don't get it, why must the fucking system be so fucking biased and only against me?
maybe i will not bring council u tomorrow, so i will just have to participate as a normal audience, better still. no sorrows, no pain, just applauding for my peers and seniors. hah.
okay okay enough of that. ss test was okayy ! (: and grrr i freaking pissed off with napfa. i missed 6 cms off standing broad jump, if not i would have gotten full marks. ahh! next week! 30 or nothing! heheheh. oh yahh yesterday was supposed to have 4 x 400 heats, i think 3a has a high chance of a medal ! yay. -bounces- we're gonna so rock csm.
the ride home was dead BORING. =P but it's okayy. cause it just makes my day being able to be beside you, watching you sleep like a pig . yao ding ni.
/shiwei
[
4/10/2005
|8:40 PM]
 | You scored as Suicide. Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Suicide | | 80% | Gunshot | | 67% | Posion | | 60% | Bomb | | 60% | Stabbed | | 60% | Suffocated | | 53% | Drowning | | 53% | Eaten | | 47% | Cut Throat | | 47% | Disappear | | 33% | Natural Causes | | 33% | Accident | | 33% | Disease | | 27% |
How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com |
![PART C] || Believe in miracles. | History repeats itself. Cos people never change. So...Change! says:
endure!!!
shiwei_+ meet the people session; THARMAN SAID I LOOKED LIKE A BBALL PLAYER says:
thanks
shiwei_+ meet the people session; THARMAN SAID I LOOKED LIKE A BBALL PLAYER says:
i knoww.
shiwei_+ meet the people session; THARMAN SAID I LOOKED LIKE A BBALL PLAYER says:
last 3 months !
![PART C] || Believe in miracles. | History repeats itself. Cos people never change. So...Change! says:
yep!!
shiwei_+ meet the people session; THARMAN SAID I LOOKED LIKE A BBALL PLAYER says:
lol u got me so high noww.
![PART C] || Believe in miracles. | History repeats itself. Cos people never change. So...Change! says:
....stop gaying though...
shiwei_+ meet the people session; THARMAN SAID I LOOKED LIKE A BBALL PLAYER says:
but when nco-ship comes, it's only the beginning. that's when our real challenge start. and we will rise up to the occasion. i believe in the part, i believe in everyone of us. even when somebody falls, the rest will be there to back him up. and one day the best unit will be back at our court.
![PART C] || Believe in miracles. | History repeats itself. Cos people never change. So...Change! says:
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!ENDURE!!!!!!!!ALL THE WAY
![PART C] || Believe in miracles. | History repeats itself. Cos people never change. So...Change! says:
NCC ROX!!!!!!!!!!!
![PART C] || Believe in miracles. | History repeats itself. Cos people never change. So...Change! says:
FOREVER!!!!!!!!!
hahah zhiyi made me high! woots-
/shiwei
[
4/09/2005
|8:42 PM]
[ Current Mood | numb ]
[ Current Music | Jolin Tsai - Shuo Ai Ni ]
can hardly open my eyes now. x_x slept at 230 woke up at 600. hahah okayy anyway today was the first session of the mp attachment programme, i was attached to -clears throat- mr tharman shanmugaratnam, minister for education and mp for jurong grc. -phew- yeahh apart from the irony that he was the goh for today's activity, which was the founding ceremony of the CHINESE society for the promotion of young writers, it was pretty cool. (: tomorrow theres block visit and im really much looking forward to it, im going to be an active grassroot member! hahah !
haiz. i feel so useless. for the past few weeks, you have been practising and training non-stop, and all i could do is to type jiayou! ni ke yi de!, it's so meaningless. although i am always behind you, i want to do more. oh well, maybe i will sneak in on monday. hahah. okayy the hard work u have put in, the sweat u broke, the injuries u were inflicted with, the tears u shed when you were under pressure, the homework you didn do because you were simply too tired, and the sms-es u sent containing >.< will all be paid off. i'm sure. you've simply given too much, surpassed your own limits, and i'm sure you will make it. and then it will be my turn to pia =D hahah. i'm always with you. jiayou !
/shiwei
[|12:31 AM]
having some kind of conversation/arguement/debate/struggle on msn with zhiyi now ? and its getting nowhere, here i am trying to ask him to believe in me? there he is despising me. even though i clarified with him, he doesn't give a damn. argh i don't know how to reply lah. this is so frustrating. ahh he went offline. i think he's going to go back to dao mode again lar, after i finally tried so hard to make him forgive me. and the last thing i need is for him to despise me.
hahah okayy so got punished lar. was expecting it to come before attendance taking like last time. but this time round it came after training instead, we were supposed to run 3 rounds round the driveway in long 4 with a time limit and 100 pushups. and we did it. yah for the part, we owe you guys this, or at least this was the least we could give after -bleh- so it was going to be the end of training, then lujie called the 3 of us up in front of the whole part and started to babble on and on. then he told us to stay back to complete the punishment so yarh.
okayy this part is going to be abit ugly lar. i know i'm going to get alot of trouble but oh well. freedom of speech. every week, i always find myself getting punished. from the time i didn call the part about the shooting range, to now, and the ncos always used the best improved cadet plaque to pick on me, which i totally hate. look here, from dec camp till now, i didn't give up at all, i admit i SUCK as an i/c, i'm only used when there's training details to be passed down, when there's cip projects, and the proposals, and when there's badges to be bought. but i never gave up? and i was particularly pissed off when you guys said, "i dunno how many times we have been fooled." i can swear this is the first and it will be the last time it will ever happen. and blehh nobody knows the truth! or rather the minority. but i refuse to save myself only. it's just too selfish.
oh well it might be good that i just step down and be a follower now. my time to lead has gone and i guess it should be the end for me. but when nco-ship comes, it's only the beginning. that's when our real challenge start. and we will rise up to the occasion. i believe in the part, i believe in everyone of us. even when somebody falls, the rest will be there to back him up. and one day the best unit will be back at our court. just you watch.
but for now. just lemme get things on the right track. for the past few days, i have been thinking about what happened during my term as i/c, and its really sad that things have turned out this way. i know you guys see the potential in me, thats why you guys were so agitated whenever i commit mistakes, even when i leave early, and im happy, not like how you all treat certain people, pon every training since the start of the year, and don't seem to care. i appreciate that. and its a shame, a disgrace to disappoint you all. and frankly speaking, for the past week, i wasn't even thinking of the punishment that would be metted, pump then pump, knock then knock, run then run, i was ashamedd in fact. everyday i see the ncos in school, and i quickly run off in fear, i fear looking in their eyes, for if i do, i would only see the words "loser". i couldn take that way of avoiding anymore, how i wish i could clarify things with ernest or lujie. but the "irony" in ernest's nickname makes me even more ashamed, and lujie, i guess because we were in sust last year, it made me even scared to go confide in him. so i went to mrs chai. i'm glad she could understand my plight and we both concluded that the appropriate term to use was "bad karma", cause i was getting into trouble for all the wrong reasons, and she now advises me to lie low, which i totally agree too. alright.
khangchiang is talking to me now too. hahah i thought i was going to be another scolding session, but i feel much better now. except for my left knee, which i think was aggravated because of the punishment. >< but oh well, i will still hang on, heats starts next week, and i will run! for the class ! alright 3A! today everybody all mass participate, that's the class spirit man. although we're muggers, we are spirited muggers ! xP we almost clinched top 3 class in cross-country for two years, now we shall show what we are made of in csm, and next year's cross country. alright ! hahah =D but on the other hand, after csm is straight away ob sabah, how am i going to survive?
okayy let's not end today on a bad note! tomorrow's the 1st session of mp attachment. mr tharman shanmugaratnam. woots- hahah. okayy. good night !
i lost the chance. i lost the trust u had in me. i lost everything.
/shiwei
[
4/05/2005
|5:03 AM]
the time isn't a glitch ! xD new way of studying i guess.
okayy. from friday to yesterday, i met lots of people who told me i would be in deep trouble because of that lie, and true enough, the screwing came yesterday. and i took the rap for it. and i feel foolish now, yet at the same time glad, because my situation before this incident is already bad enough, so by adding just one more SIN to my name doesn't make a difference lar, compared to the other two who were with me. but i swear it wasn't me, ah heck oh well, i can't clear my name now. and i probably won't bother do so. i can't be selfish right. I AM SUPPOSED TO HAVE THIS BROTHERHOOD SPIRIT, isn't that what ncc all about.
but one thing i'm depressed about is zhiyi. he is ignoring me now totally and i don't want to lose this friend so zhiyi this is for you. whether you see it or not. okay i know i suck zhiyi, im a complete loser. every week, i said i will change, and every week i find myself sinking into bigger trouble. from the air rifle incident, to the debrief where i fought to noww. i've failed terribly i know, what kind of i/c is this, i had so much potential. but all turned out to zilch. i gave nothing but disappointment, but this incident is really yuan wang, i've explained it to you in class a few times, but you just wouldn't listen, and i feel really lost, i'm losing friends. and i don't want that. BECAUSE I'M STILL NOT GIVING UP. I NEVER DID.
[added] do you know how embarrassing it is when i walk past the ncos in school? khang chiang? ernest? lujie? i dare not look into their eyes, for i sense the fear, i've let them down, the trust is shattered? and everything they just turned their heads away in the other direction, and walk past me like i'm nothing to them, do you know how hurt i feel. any other day, when i meet kc, he would smile and say hello, and i feel great, but today, i walked and i looked at him, with that pitiful face of mine hoping for a "hello", and he looked backk, i knew he was angry and i couldn't face him, i walked away.
but i'm not giving up. and you have to trust me. band of brothers, last stretch liao. help me through.. please ?
as i sink further down, i won't want you to turn your back against me and just walk away. i feel even more depressed. sorry. please forgive me, it really hurts me when you dao me over and over again, when u speak to douglas/kangjie etc. i tried to join in, then you will always ignore. i was so happy when you asked me if i bought marksman badge. hah.
okayokay. no more depressing stuff.
the task i faced yesterday in school was to try to stay awake during lessons! during ss was dozing off, with a pen in my hand somemore, then i was practically drawing! all the words i written were untidy. brr. and we didn manage to present the stnicks presentation during consortium assembly. and its all my fault. seems like everything bad that happened, it's all me. all me. hahah then i realized, the bigger task i had was how to spend the 5 hours after school! >< stupid you ! so i went to eat my lunch real slowly,
try to study physics and ended up sleeping in class, went to find lam for smrp and doing homework. after all the dragging and stuff, i realized i had two whole hours left. and where to go where to go! so i remembered csm meeting, so i was outside the classroom walking around, hurhur. and finally when the ny peeps left, i went into the classroom and used the computer. woots- ruian's video! hahah ! okayy but the wait was worth it lar. grrr, but a tiring one! i was so tired i was dozing off almost every other minute larr ! okay okay. gotta prepare the bio presentation and for school ! see ya.
its YOU. YOU YOU YOU.
/shiwei
[
4/02/2005
|7:41 PM]
[ Current Mood | WORRIED ]
[ Current Music | mean girls? ]
this is one of the worst times i've ever lived before.
i played the prank too far and i'm still staring at the handphone screen with so much anxiety, for two hours, how i wished that the screen would light up, vibrate, and "1 message received" would appear. anxiety, and it isn't excitement, it's the total opposite ! i didn want this to happen, my plan all went wrong. i was planning to stop it all last night at midnight with a call and a good night. but i couldn't, we were having solo night, okayy out of the point, so i didn. so i asked her out for lunch and i wanted to explain during lunch. i broke camp too early, so i went kap for breakfast, i was trying so hard to waste time. okayy 10am i was done, i called cj and kj to smuggle me in to boarding school so that at least we're nearby? but bahh they were going home for the weekends, so i waited at the busstop at hci, and i did i tell you, i was determined to wait till the practice was over. but that call came, dad called me to come home asap by 12, so i thought the practice was going to end, however it was the other way round, and i really couldn't wait. so i CANCELLED. and i revealed because i didn want to push it further and now im just bearing the consequences of the joke i played.
i cannot take it anymore !
i'm calling.
sorry.
/shiwei
