[
6/27/2005
|12:11 AM]
[ Current Mood | rahh ]
[ Current Music | Collide - Howie Day ]
can't believe school's gonna start in 7 hours time! hahah talking to the hongkong peeps from x-slc and indian delegates from 11slc. really interesting to learn and know about their culture! xD -nods-
party03 yesterday! shall elaborate when i have the time.
tata!
confidence still shaken. and i have to wear that mask again
/shiwei
[
6/25/2005
|6:19 AM]
[ Current Mood | frustrated! ]
[ Current Music | White Houses - Vanessa Carlton ]
oh man. slept in front of the laptop AGAIN. and the worst thing that i dont know what time i slept, or rather forgot what i last did ! grrr. the laptop's in standby mode, hmmm. and jay chou's songs have been looping ? oh oh and movie review for ace in microsoft word. hurhur.
wahahh! homework ! well at least i managed to do quite a lot in these 2 days. i'm left with bio tys, the cheem chinese book and i happened to get the longest chapter. here goes the first sentence "中华艺术是写意的.创作是艺术家把心识中的意象向外投射的行为表现." then i'll be snoring away. hmmm. MRP how ! -looks at stanley ! oh well, there goes my 2.0 msg for end-of-year. bound to flunk it. all i hope for now is just being able to stay in 3a and ip, the bare minimum.
feel so guilty for ponning tnf meeting, after that sms. x_x oh well.
five.
six.
well. five or six years.
wahaha :D
again i thought about it again
i'm going through the same old thing for the third time already. i dont know whether to feel refreshed or just disgusted. seeing the same old stuff, hearing the same old phrases. but just what is it that i'm looking for here? yeah passion, everybody says that, in interviews or whatsoever to impress the interviewers. "why do you want to join..?" "oh, because i am very passionate for this and i feel that i can contribute a lot" whole bunch of crap. even the fire with us can be put out sometimes, do you ever ask yourselves whether you enjoy doing all this after all, especially when you thought that it's going to be your top priority. seeing your batchmates fall one by one, it hurts, am i going to be next?
and hahah big ambitions one sure has, but what if nothing is left at the end, like the beginning of the year. do you still want to carry on? hah. but can you even allow yourself to be less capable than .. if this even happens, do you still want to carry on?
When I call you at home and he answers the phone
Or I get your machine and u don't hear me
When I lie in my bed with the thoughts in my head
When we danced and we sang and we laughed all night
/shiwei
[
6/23/2005
|2:45 PM]
[ Current Music | The Calling - Wherever You Will Go ]
The Keys to Your Heart
|
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. |
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. |
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. |
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. |
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. |
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. |
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
koped from liyan!
finally started on homework. bleaghh lemme list down
-2 compres (one due last last fri) -read chinese book
-do reflections for chinese book
-physics worksheet
-bio tys
-maths worksheet
-maths revision thingie
-smrp proj
-chem thingie
-mrp
-ace
-mug for bio test
-mug for maths test
alright its demoralising enough. 4 more days left till school reopens. 3 days going to be used up. so its just today left. hahah and half the day is gone. x_x heh anyway woke up today with a good news, the meetings postponed till sch reopens! hahah then came the bad news. jiayouuu.
alright cannot talk anymoree.
/shiwei
[|1:03 AM]
[ Current Mood | stressed! >< ]
[ Current Music | O-Town - All or Nothing ]
rahh! design design ! >< no inspiration so far. im soo dead!
i miss the ot! although its like only 4 days since we last met, it seems forever ! wahhhh. its that empty feeling again, after putting your heart on an aim for 6 months, piaing, chionging, praying that it will out work out. finally when its over, it seems like suddenly, theres no direction in your life. floating. no desire to do anything, frankly speaking i'm going to die in term 3. mrp not touched. projects day too. smrp haiz. ace, whats that? and not to mention the tests and HOMEWORK. one pile of homework untouched, except for one set of comprehension that i handed up one week late. what's wrong with me. ><
Cause I want it all or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you've reached the bottom
It's now or never
Is it all or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at alland holding back your tears is indeed a bad thing. been having sleepless nights and daydreams here and there. used to remember how different i was during x-slc, when the fps were coming back from chinatown, i was called up by janet to give a closing speech yupp. "its been 4 days.." then i started to tear already. hahah 4th night. but now, not even one drop. bleaghh.
can't wait for party03, it seems a whole hell of fun to me. rock on ot!
rahh i missed suayu's surprise birthday party yesterday! because of posting. blehh shall not talk about it, terrifying experience, just crosses my fingers and pray. taking over time for all our commitments - are we ready? i wonder.
okayy back to designs! think think think.
and you! rest well ahh. why are you so busy ! o_o so worried for you. jiayou! always behind you! racist-ic! (:
you just had to come back and take my heart away again. i thought we said we were not meant to be?..
/shiwei
[
6/22/2005
|9:05 PM]
alright!
presenting to you... 11slcot blog template!
yay!
party03!party03!party03!party03!
aar!aar!aar!aar!aar!
/shiwei
[
6/21/2005
|1:19 AM]
(: ot. next blog template. woots-
/shiwei
[
6/20/2005
|12:54 AM]
There's nothing left to say
I've got my eyes shut
Praying they won't stray
And we are not sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow awaythe emptiness is back
/shiwei
[|12:52 AM]
11slcOT - Theme SongThere was a time
When jaja said that slc won't wake it
but we did
but we did
There was a time
When troubles seemed so hard for us to handle
but we did
but we did
We build a convention
You and me
reaching out together
for regional unity!
This is my OT,
this are my facs,
this is my handbook,
this are my tags,
this is my notepad,
this are my friends.
We are slc
slc OT.
We the members of slc
pledge ourselves as one united ot.
regardless of school, gender or committee
to build a convention, you and me
for regional unity
so as to achieve security, human rights and progress for our convention.
We are slc
we are slc
we will strive together for regional unity
/shiwei
[
6/18/2005
|9:58 PM]
[ Current Mood | empty ]
[ Current Music | Incomplete - Backstreet Boys ]
empty spaces fill me up with holes.
probably the closest i've ever got to crying, after reading jianyi's message.
"Sigh, slc is now over, and there is no way for time to turn back.. We really had fun together, and i miss all of you already. The times we had will always be with me. May slc live in our memories forever"
shortly followed by choonyen's.
"I feel so empty now... slc is over.. but let us not forget the beautiful memories we had together.. thanks for everything during e past 6 months! I love u ppl!"
hahah who would have thought, 3 different schools, a whole new combination, would work out that fine, and even better? i admit i was naive, well maybe some things just weren't meant to be, and i finally saw light. what i have always thought and insisted isn't true, and boy am i relieved to have realized this.
11thslc is over. and this year was really different because i couldn't make it for the actual convention. instead, i spent the 4 days stoning in amoy quee camp, and it is really stoning! out of the 8 hours spent there daily, 6 hours was used sitting down on the hard concrete floor either listening to lame talks, waiting for things to be ready, or having our meals. hahah got my 2nd sergeant rank in the end, but i'm ashamed of myself, where's the plaque i was confident of getting ? complacency caused me. but screw hq, why restrict one candidate from one school in one section and in the end choose shit? and in what ways are stanley, andrew etc worse than some neighbourhood school joker, who later get niaoed for giving shit drill. blehh oh well, we must be gracious. at least hwa chong ncc showed who we are, king of west district, dominance, period. so on wednesday night, stanley and i went back to school to check things out and went back to camp on thursday, and rushed back on thursday afternoon for the finale. all by cab, my pocket money ! ><
alright so on thursday afternoon, speed bathing and changing and poof we're on our way to the auditorium, and it really seemed like last year. the dimmed auditorium lights, the participants jumping and shouting wildly, and of course the performance put up. immediately i got myself to work, hoping to numb myself from the emotions. and yupp ended up running to and fro, and i refused to do the ot item, kinda anti-social. hmmm, but in the end things got messy because the finale dragged and it ended 1 hour later, had to plead with the mediatech teacher and cut some perfomances here and there, and the requests by the foreign deleagtes weren't of any help. but in the end, everything still went smoothly, and yupp by the time ot item ended, practically everybody was crying, except me that is. probably i've gone through this, and probably because i wasn't even present during the convention. but still the nothingness was there. then came the debrief/exchange of presents and dinner.
and yesterday, the whole ot sent the philiphines and indian delegates off the the airport. i was feeling quite down, and this was when i probably understood the real reason why i didn't cry. to put it bluntly, the photos on the slideshow meant nothing to me, mass games, assemblies, tea reception, keynote address, there was no emotions attached to them as compared to the other participants. somehow i feel shortchanged, i doubt if u ask any foreign delegate who shiwei is, they probably cannot recall. how ironic, the prog i/c, unrecognized, isolated. have i not put in effort ? have i not piaed ? i was so left out, i dont even know what happened during the four days, although i was the one who planned the programme outline. i don't even have the slightest idea on how the high achievers' activity is carried out, how were the participants' involvement during the assemblies, how did the goh fare during keynote address. nothing at all. then it turned into hatred. blame it all on my pathetic life, clashes everywhere. shattered commitments. even the hardy stanley broke down beause of this, he cried on sunday night, the first time i see him, showing his emotions.
of course, i cannot be selfish. at least everything turned out fine, at least it was a success! so smile shiwei !
after sending the fps off, we went to clear ops room and the classrooms, in the end turned out to be a palm-reading/fortune-telling session by king jagar wu chengliang! hahah. then we went orchard for dinner and celebration. it was 9+ when we finished our meal, and i had this wacky idea to extend our stay in boarding school till the next day. but suayu wasn't too willing because he had some personal matters to attend to, and he didn want the ot to get into trouble because there was no consulation of the upper authorities. but luckily sharon and greg approved, and we were like jumping and shouting outside cathay! hurhur. went shopping for presents and we bought a birthday present for suayu! but he was so dao, think he is angry with me for the extension, makes me guilty >_< reached boarding sch at 12, and our suprise plan was foiled because of jijo's lagginess ! hahah, we played cards, murderer till 2, then we went into the room to chat. and we all slept together (different beds lar!) as one ot. the next morning, grace, anna, stanley and i were laming around and we took pictures of the ot sleeping with choonyen's yellow duck beck pack! hurhur.
finally it's over. heres the individual messages i have for the ot!
prog comm: you guys have been great! we were the first committee to be bonded together and im glad your enthusiasm and determination didn falter during he planning process! sorry that at times, i have not been a good i/c, as i fail to delegate work to you all, always keeping things to myself. but im really really proud of you all!
we all know that job scope for programmes itself is slack! plus with an experienced i/c, the organizing and planning process wasn't as tedious as concept or logistics, but i'm really happy with your performances during the actual convention itself, from taking care of the foreign participants; waking them up, checking if they're alright; bringing them for the night tours, to helping the other committees; helping log with food and yeahh. haiyohh still remembered the times when i called for meetings that lasted only 30 minutes! but you guys still came down nevertheless! remember there was one meeting at burger king in far east? hahah. in the end we sat down and had lunch. (: prog'05 forever!
daryl: alright d00d. the acting i/c for prog when i wasn't around! and u did great! i still remember one week before the event, you came to me and said you were worried, worried that prog will screw up. and i remembered i had to apologize to you for choosing spec course, and leaving prog halfway, and give you assurance that i will pia for the planning so that taking over would be smooth. true enough, it was almost flawless. i knew right from the start, given your bouncy character, you will lead prog to a greater height, maybe even better than what i could do if i were present. so yupp well done ! (:
stanley: my fellow ncc-mate who chose spec course
jijo and me
/shiwei
[|9:13 PM]
daryl and the duck !
/shiwei
[|9:13 PM]
sending the springdales
/shiwei
[|9:12 PM]
choon yen and her -erm- hair
/shiwei
[|9:11 PM]
the arrival of the indian delegates !
/shiwei
[|6:35 PM]
prog comm'05.
/shiwei
[
6/14/2005
|5:18 AM]
x_x can't believe i woke up earlier just to study for gsk test. gsk --> general specialist' knowledge. hahah and seriously you will laugh your heads off at the questions that will be tested. things like "when is ncc founded?" or "whos the commandant?" and stuff like this. propoganda but yet its "general knowledge" that specialists have to know. boo. bahhh the m16 rifle is 2.85kg heavy and 99.9cm long. -.- blehh these kind of stupid stuff. oh well, very confident about my preformance today. zhiyi, dingjie and i were in the same platoon and we really made our presence felt, hwachong ncc standard, discipline, and heheh i was selected to be the i/c ! alright! my chance to prove myself, so i came out with a new cheer and echo and commanded alpha 1. a little bit of nervousness here and there but man, the dismissal was just so picture-perfect. pep-talk followed by "commando" and "henta-khaki" cheer, then a pat on my back and a "good job!keep it up!" by the clt. if i continue with this standard, woots- pride and glory to hwachong ncc.
received news from jerry, daryl and suayu that the first day was the best the seniors ever saw ! alright mann. keep up the good work!
yesterday the foreign participants arrived at singapore, and the prog comm + seniors went to the airport to fetch them. although there were some mistakes and *erhm* requests, the fps were rather fun!
why? why must i always miss out the crux of the moment? why must i always be absent when it matters?
shall not make this spec course go to waste. if not ill be skipping slc for nothing
/shiwei
[
6/12/2005
|1:17 AM]
[ Current Mood | rotten ]
[ Current Music | Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard ]
oh mann. been looping the song for hours, and i'm so in love with it.
hahah i reached home at 9.30, and all i ask for is to have a nice bath and to pack my stuff and sleep. but things obviously didn go that way. the moment i went online, i was dragged into a war! without wearing my helmet, i got bombed. read suayu's tagboard for more details. i really do not wish to comment and i really just want to see a stop to all these. congratulations to the youth forum organizing committee for a successful event and i guess suayu just triggered your wrath because of that sentence, and yupp he's explained and i'm sure he doesn't mean it. but some of your comments are really too absurd. yes we need all the luck we can get, and its NOT BECAUSE we have to match up with youth forum. its because we have to match up with ourseleves, the ELEVENTH slc, expectations are higher, the stakes are bigger too. so yeah. let us shake hands. x_x so that alone lasted me till now ! and worse still left me braindead ! rahh how to pack bag !
and i've just realized how pathetic my life is. just because of shattered commitments. i feel like a loser. i can't contribute to my commitments! just take a look, during youth forum, i have to take care of slc, first day i skipped lunch and ran back to school to let ms seng vet a proposal, second day i didn go for the field trips to get the room allocations done, and third day i didn go back and obviously paid a hefty price for it. and yeah, when the environment subcommittee was having loads of fun celebrating at orchard, i was in ops room, losing my temper. i feel so isolated during the mass chat, great job, and now im still waiting to be added back to the conversation. and what about mark4? where are you shiwei? forget it. so what shiwei, if you're busy? so what shiwei, if you're going to rock slc? so what ! huh, i can't imagine playing so many roles and one time, in a few hours time, i'm going to be picking up the foreign delegates from the airport, and then hand over my programmes i/c title to jijo to take over, and then go for spec course, and on thursday rush back to grand finale to see the participants and ot cry. wow. thats the week for me. what will i gain? virtually nothing. i wiill be missing the convention and at spec course, i will be thinking of slc and yupp empty-handed i will return. i have promised lujie that i will pia and go all out, for the best cadet award. am i going to do it? hahah be realistic man shiwei. you just have no life.
today i quarrelled with my parents because i told them about spec course and boarding school. yehah i know it's really my fault cause its so damn late. hahah so in the end i finally persuaded them to lemme go to school. and man i went bersek halfway while discussing ot item, i went to run my 2.4 x_x i didn know what made me do that. weird. hahah then later we went to play basketball. rahh in the end we played polar bear and murderer.
why are the seniors so nice to us. and we always disappoint them time and time again. we can only blame it on our insensitivity, but SENIORS THE 11SLC OT APPRECIATES EVERYTHING YOU'VE GIVEN SO FAR. tell me which other seniors are willing to spend the whole day vetting the writeups, the 100+ page convention handbook? which other seniors are willing to give us pep talks when we're demoralized and blast and scold us when we aren't progressing? you guys rock. this slc is for you!
alright 7 more hours away. we can do it ! i better start packing !
alright. wait for my good news
/shiwei
[
6/11/2005
|1:32 AM]
i have hideous eyebags! rahhhhhhh. but i still don't feel like sleeping. been thinking a lot the past hours. had quite a bad time with the seniors again.. with erik and yida. i don' know what's wrong with me now, getting all so emotional. shouting and cursing after the fps changes their flight details, kicking chairs and tables after the fps change their participants. why do i let my emotions to take over me so easily ? i know these are stuff that can be solved easily, but why do i always flare up just like that. and so i blasted my prog comm for no reason. i said erik was petty, all in a moment of folly. you know i dont mean it! bleagghhh and so i just chased the advisors off like that. and it just made matters worse.
bleagh on tuesday, erik dragged me to the clock tower and we kinda talked.. yeah. and wor i saw erik tear, rare moments of my life. and i was kinda touched. i know where i went wrong, i've been doing too much, to the extent of my committee members not knowing anything, and he warned me last week before, but i didn really cared about it because i felt that prog comm was strong enough. hahah and i was proved wrong by the series of events that happened the past few days, ms seng calling you 30 times a day, doing everything alone, programmes committee disunited.. haiz. and of course the i/c breaking down. so i assured him the prog comm and i will not fall. so my next agenda was to scold my members.
so i stormed into ops room, and shouted "prog meeting outside now!" and of course, the
disrespectful jianrui replied, "now? but kristin and i are going to change to our council u.." so i just screamed at them. hahah so i kinda got the tone set, everyone could sense the disatisfaction i felt and nobody dared to speak, well that is for the first five minutes, after that it all went back to normal. everyone climbed over my head yupp and hurhur. blehh i guess that's programmes. so we wrapped it up with cheers and a whoosh! kinda relieved that we found our committee spirit again. prog'05 forever.
and i vow never to be so emotional again.
so yupp youth forum ended. it was nice. the mass games on the second day was crazzzy. flour + water in the carpark = hours of cleaning up. mark, xuanyi and kang wrecked havoc larr, throwing flour and water bomb at the facils. but yupp we had fun. third day was more a discussion day for the proposal paper and play. hahah so i decided then i should STEP OUT and lead in the propsal paper! in the e2's got selected ! woots- and qintan and i presented to the whole forum on stage. -sigh- of course, there were so laughters from JANICE and GXINYING. hmmm. but yupp it was a huuuuuge improvement from last year! still remembered that my tomato-red face! so the concert and finale ended, with the girls all crying and stuff. and im a hum ji! >_< env took photos and stoned outside audi, waiting for our facils before going for dinner! hmm in the end i went back to school to do slc stuff, and the ot went to eat prata ! yet agaiN! hahah MILO DINASAUR and PRATA TISSUE. booo.
3 more days. can't sleep.
/shiwei
[|12:51 AM]
prata tissue ! hurhur and MILO DINOSAUR
/shiwei
[|12:51 AM]
11slcOT - busy at work!
/shiwei
[|12:50 AM]
Environment Sub-Comm ! (:
/shiwei
[
6/08/2005
|11:04 PM]
i'm so useless. hahah i thought i could pia prog all the way, and i did it, in the end i still fell. imagine lar. your teacher advisor calling you 30+ times a day when you're in nanyang forum, and not to mention the countless smses, including those "see me asap" how to ! and the worst thing is that the matters i've all settled lar ! i dunno whats her fucking problem, why does she always have to pick on programmes committee? cause she's not intellectually fit to do the concept? cause she doesn want to do manual labour in log? so why prog!? and its not our fault that we finished all our work, i know it sounds weird having nothing to do when everyone else is piaing, but its the truth. IVE FINISHED PROGRAMMES. u name it i give it. teachers programme. icebreakers. massgames. night tours. manpower allocation. hatc EVERYTHING. SO WHY DO U KEEP CALLING ME AS IF THE PHONE BILL IS FREE ?!
so i went for the nanyang youth forum. rather good and refreshing experience. hahha EXCEPT THE 10+ CALLS I RECEIVED DURING THE CONCERT. and i had to rush back to school to send her the bloody proposal that has been vetted and confirmed. whtas her problem. bahh then icebreakers and stuff. hahah. then we finally got into work with a mindmap to set us off thinking, during which ms seng called another 10 times, the facilitators, yawen were like o_o "again?relax shiwei" i was so embarrassed lar. doesn she know im in nanyang?
so yahh finally the tears were let out during debrief. hahah. blehh. greg and the seniors were "dont let ms seng affect you, not worth it", but i guess my emotions were getting the better of me again. so after we were dismissed, i went off in a huff to find ms seng and settle the prog once and for all. she wasn there, and i just left like taht to have dinner with lokky, tingwei and yinghao consoling me on the way. the advisors were kinda pissed because i left the ot like that. but all i wanted to have was A BREAK, even i was there i couldn contribute, whats the point! yida just couldn understand... haiz. so we went to the prata restaurant and simply gorged ourselves, milo dinosaur ! hahah 2 kosong, 1 egg and 1 tissue prata, in the end i didn eat the 2 plain ones, too full. the rest all finished can! damn pro. hahah in the end the bill came and we were shocked. hurhur. oh well, being with a wacky group makes me forget about my worries.
hahah and now theres another foreign school. im screwed. here i am again. alone, where are my prog comm members? i dunno.
/shiwei
[
6/07/2005
|2:36 AM]
like wow. i slept at the computer table for the dunno-how-manyth time already ? what's wrong with me ! >_<
anyway 6 more days. but im feeling lost. jaja help! -sigh-
/shiwei
